Ghoulish Tales

Written By David Strege

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Now I’m going to work on reviewing Brad Twiggs first film from 2014 Funky Monkey Films.  An anthology inspired by Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt among other Christmas horror tales…

The film begins as you hear silent night playing in the back ground then pans in on a department store Santa named Buck laying back after Christmas eve explaining that he’ll have to look for another job since a child named Susie felt his pens underneath his suit.  Apparently to his girlfriend Momo as she’s getting off of a shift bot seem like they are a pair of hicks lol.

Meanwhile it wasnt his girlfreind but an escaped mental patient who has found his way into their home. Unbeknownst to the girlfriend who kinda looks like Reba from tremors she goes and takes a shower. Since Santa thinks he’s gonna deck her halls the escaped patient walks in and cuts Santa’s head of with some shears and continues into the bathroom as he cuts the girlfriend open while she’s showering, she screams, and chokes her with her own intestines.

Tis the Season:

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Next we see a babysitter Monica arrive talking the father of Logan her charge, Frank and husband of Rebecca and their son whom she’s been babysitting evidently this is the babysitters last night taking care of him before heading out of town… to New York while frank and his wife it’s their anniversary so they are going out for the night. Logan their son is excited to see Monica. Obviously we see a lot of Christmas decorations in the house, a little over Christmasy to me.   Soon as his parents leave Logan cons her into telling him scary stories and this is where it truly begins:

The Cat Lady: a tenant neighbor coming back from a run notices a stench coming from next door and calls the land lady who can’t do anything till that neighbor comes back. Apparently a woman who loved cats a little too much.  I liked this segment because in a way it paid tribute to schlock science fiction with two woman who looked like ginger and Marianne from Gilligan’s Island with a ufo in the back ground of a military man shooting a machine gun in a star trek uniform lol. Anyways the stench got to the tenant so she went and investigated herself her neighbor was getting eaten alive by her feline freinds!

The Break-in

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Mike and Rob, and Pam are criminals enforcing a guy after some missing drugs so we see them shoot a guy pleading for his life.  They congregate at a strip joint to figure out how to collect their dough from a movie producer name of Ian Thomas that still owes Mike a grand for all the coke he gave him, so they concoct a plan to go in thinking dudes grandaughter who inherited the house which you have to admit is filled with cool looking movie memorabilia go to the safe steal the money and get the duck out before the grandaughter returns whom according to Mike is only a hooker. Little do Pam and Rob know she comes back sooner with a couple bites his pens off and I’ll have to say this is the worst part of the movie?

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You get your dick bit off you react more than this kid did sorry Brad even I could have reacted better than this so called computer nerd lol in any case the grandaughter is a vampire kills all but one and we end up seeing the main drug dude get attacked by his own crew. There some nudity in both of these last tales but I’m not a total fan of chick’s with tats but to each their own.

In between a guy comes to the door to tell them of an escaped patient had escaped to watch out and that a neighbor down the street was sitting and leaving it in people’s mail boxes.  Monica acted like there wasn’t really any concern which was strange since anyone else would have raced back inside freaking.

Like in Milfs vs Zombie we get a breaking news browdcast by Skip Baxter played by world famous reviewer/movie collector Shawn C. Philips who makes a reference to eating twinkle a little funny since now he’s lost quite a bit of weight.

In any case The guy warning a but the killer run a into the now santa suit wearing mental patient thinking he’s the guy who wacks off to his wife and slots dudes throat.

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A security guard thinks the mental patient is Buck the guy at the begining who hot his head sheared off.

True Love:

Interrupted by a commercial for  grade gargantuan Goliath body building supplement order now and you get a free tube of Dick Gizzlers pens cream lol

Working two jobs to support her loser of a boyfriend Arriana goes to pay off rent to her perverted land lord.  Arrives late to work and gets fired for not sleeping with her ass hole perv of a boss then goes to gang with her best friend James who secretly loves her. What’s funny is they watch a horror movie about a man who stabs a girl with a twirling rubber dildo.

James is approached by a strange woman who appears to know a lot about him his dreams and offers that he can make artisans love him James just honesty wants her happy for a small fee, his blood and soul… in the end the voodoo priestess betrays him to bring back her lover from the grave and takes Arriana soul instead turning her into a zombie she did promise she’d get them together…

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Meanwhile it turns out the escaped mental patient is Monica’s real father as he kills Logans parents as they come back from their celebration choking Rachel with some Christmas tree lights and grabs Logan up in a child sized Stocking and walks out of the door with his daughter as if he’s collected for the naughty list.

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Though there was some really bad acting involved between Buck and the geeky computer kid I enjoyed it.  This was Brads first effort so I think and feel he tried with the actors given to him as he does love horror as I believe this film was heavily influenced by Films such as Silent Night Deadly Night and Creepshow.

I think it was definitely corny enough so I give this a 3 out of 5 star rating recommend for the independent horror fan.

Starring Erin Anthony as Victim (segment “True Love”), Evan Baker as Strip Club Patron (segment “The Break In”), James Balsamo as Infomercial Spokesman (segment “True Love”), Matthew Britner as Logan (segment “Tis The Season”), Rebecca Chambers as Susie (segment “The Break In”), Mark Chaney as Chuck (segment “The Break In”), Missy Dawn as Beach Babe (segment “The Cat Lady”), Drew Day as Buck Bauer (segment “Tis The Season”), Therron Dumas as Mike (segment “The Break In”), Catherine Ellzey as Voodoo Priestess (segment “True Love”), Chelsea Grace Fox as Monica (segment “Tis The Season”) (as Chelsea Bowers), Doug Goodin as Malcolm (segment “True Love”), Kyle Graham as Cotton Candy Thief (segment “True Love”), Eamon Hardiman as Soldier (segment “The Cat Lady”), Margret Hernandez as Convenience Store Clerk (segment “True Love”), Sherry Hernandez as Rebecca (segment “Tis The Season”), Maggie Hill as Sarah (segment “The Cat Lady”), Jenny Jannetty as Christina (segment “The Break In”), Daniel Johnson as Tom (segment “True Love”), Erica Jones as Pam (segment “The Break In”), Cortney Kesecker as Stripper (segment “The Break In”), Crissy Lynn Maphis as Victoria (segment “Tis The Season”), Leslie Monk as Debbie (segment “Tis The Season”), Josh Murphy as Strip Club Patron (segment “The Break In”), Rosanna Nelson as Ariauna (segment “True Love”), Chris O’Brocki as Bruce (segment “True Love”), Mike O’Mahony as The Drilldo Killer (segment “True Love”), Patrick Opitz as Frank (segment “Tis The Season”), Shawn C. Phillips as Skip Baxter (segment “Tis The Season”), George Stover as Bart Lawson (segment “True Love”), Matthew Warner as Rob (segment “The Break In”), Kalie Webb as Showering Tenant (segment “True Love”), Jason Whitaker as James (segment “True Love”).

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