Written by David Strege
Kon Tiki remake Director’s Joachim Ronning and Espen Sanders take on this high seas further adventure from Disney and though reviews of the film were not a high note we say differently just that I think this cow has been milked as much as it can…
Dead Men’s Tell No Tales begins with a small boy rowing away to sea, as he ties rocks to his body and jumps only to be caught by the ship that holds his father William Turner (Bloom).
Will Turner has been cursed and has had his heart in Davy Jones Chest for several years it seems but his son has heard of this treasure called the Tridant of Poseidon that no man can ever find and has set his mind on finding Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) which Will Turner his father tries to pursuance is a fools journey and that it’s impossible…
Mean while as the Mayor of St. Martins is celebrating a new bank vault, a young lady Carina Smyth (Scoldelerio) that studies the stars has been labeled a witch and sentence to be hung, young Henry turner has been cast as a traitor for only trying to warn his captain of the doom ahead, and Captain Jack Sparrow has fallen asleep with the mayors wife inside the vault as part of a plan to steal the loot…
After escaping custody thanks to Carina, Henry puts up Sparrow’s bail money but as due to his failed robbery his crew left him as they were tired of his shit… he did the one thing he was told never to do when Sparrow’d become captain and been handed the compass… he betrayed the compass by bartering it for rum…
Now interesting as it may seem the dreaded Captain Salazar and his cursed crew were exactly what Henry’s crew had run into as he was the man that Salazar left alive to tell the tale whom had noticed the wanted ads of Sparrow on Henry’s person… Salazar told Henry to Steal the compass from Sparrow or lead him to him.
After the compass had landed in the wrong hands though it had released the Dreaded Spanish Captain Salazar upon the high seas destroying Hector Barbosa’s Fleet which once it had reached his ear, Barbosa went in search of a local witch whom was known for gossip, who in turn gave him the compass which had come into his possession.
That with Catrina Smith’s fathers book of having a bloodstone to map the stars ultimately the treasure and Jacks crew came around for one more adventure not to mention of course the British army Captains involvement as always after the same treasure.
I don’t want to tell it all but there is a surprise for hector and a happy ending of sorts not for all but I feel they were tying up loose ends they hadn’t before…
I think the creatures that were Salazar’s Skeleton Crew were more what you’d see in a sci-fi Chanel movie I just think that they could have been imaged better missing pieces was kinda evident and seemed like it was again like I said cheaply maid this time. There was definitely some humor but I believe the humor was half hearted… I think that Johnny Depp is getting rather old for the role but I think the drunken pirate does still somewhat hold a style but I almost heard The Hatter in his voice as he was running through St. Martin’s.
Ultimately I hope I don’t see another pirates it’s run it’s course. I enjoyed the film for what it was but I saw it’s errors too so I’m on the fence of thinking it’s up to par I think it’s lost its energy, it’s spunk but to each their own.. and does Keira Knoghtly have an eating disorder she’s not as hot as she once was in the original Pirates… disappointing… enjoy!
Starring Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar, Geoffrey Rush as Captain Hector Barbossa, Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth, Kevin McNally as Gibbs, Golshifteh Farahani as Shansa, David Wenham as
Scarfield, Stephen Graham as Scrum, Angus Barnett as Mullroy, Martin Klebba as Marty, Adam Brown as Cremble, Giles New as Murtogg, Orlando Bloom as
Will Turner, Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann, Paul McCartney as Uncle Jack, Delroy Atkinson as Pike, Danny Kirrane as
Bollard, Juan Carlos Vellido as Lieutenant Lesaro, Rodney Afif as Officer Madga, Rupert Raineri as Officer Santos, Stephen Lopez as Officer Moss, Nico Cortez as Spanish Officer, Mahesh Jadu as
Spanish Soldier, Bruce Spence as Mayor Dix, Justin Smith as Mr. Krill, John Leary as Mr. Swift, Anthony De La Torre as
Young Jack Sparrow, Finn Ireland as
Young Pirate Jeff (as Finn McLeod Ireland), James Mackay as Maddox, Bryan Probets as Bowen, Will Ward as Pirate (Flashback), Lewis McGowan as
Henry Turner (12 Yrs Old), Alexander Scheer as Young Teague, Richard Piper as
Captain Toms, Michael Dorman as First Officer Wade, Rohan Nichol as Officer Cole, Paul Armstrong as Old Pirate, Robert Morgan as Grimes, Andreas Sobik as Pirate Captain, Goran D. Kleut as Pirate with Broom, Scott Anderson as British Officer, Travis Jeffery as British Soldier, Andrew Fraser as British Soldier, Akos Armont as British Soldier, Sean Lynch as
British Soldier, Ben O’Toole as British Soldier, Dakota Askew as Young Monarch Soldier, Jamie Carter as Young Monarch Soldier, Joe Klocek as Monarch Soldier, Derani Scarr as Woman, Zoe Ventoura as
Mayor’s Wife, Lenny Firth as Fisherman, Akshay Caplash as CG Ghost Soldier, Jordan Fulleylove as CG Ghost Soldier, Mivon Prince-Leyva as CG Ghost Soldier, Rafael Torrijos as CG Ghost Soldier (as Rafael Soler Torrijos), Pablo as Jack the Monkey, Chiquita as Jack the Monkey, James Fraser as Young Greenhorn, Ken Radley as Pig Kelly, Hannah Walters as
Beatrice, Jonathan Elsom as Priest, K. Todd Freeman as Captain Morgan, Matthew Walker as Confessional Priest, Darcy Laurie as Uncle Jack’s Cellmate, James Lawson as Jail Guard, James Lawson as Jail Guard, Chris Adams as
Spanish Officer (uncredited), Anousha Alamian as Spanish Soldier (uncredited), Charnstar Anderson as Barbossa Pirate (uncredited), Maria Arnott as Washer Woman (uncredited), Oscar Bailey as
Townschild (uncredited), Martin Ballantyne as Townsman (uncredited), Michael Bardach as Pirate Prisoner (uncredited), Donnie Baxter as Townsperson (uncredited), Bland Brifkani as Spanish Soldier (uncredited), Christie-Lee Britten as Greenwich Village Upper Class Lady (uncredited), Austin Caffin as
Livery (uncredited), Leo Camacho as
Townsman (uncredited), Alexander Canton as Upperclass Man (uncredited), Brooke Chamberlain as Upper Class Lady (uncredited), Jon Christopher as Sailor (uncredited), Matt Clayton as Monarch Sailor (uncredited), Linda Marie Curry as
Witch (uncredited), Todd Davis as Pirate (uncredited), Suzanne Dervish-Ali as
Townsperson (uncredited), Miles Ellis as
Black Pearl Pirate (uncredited), Josh Farah as Pirate (uncredited), Helder Fernandes as Sailor (uncredited), Sean Edward Frazer as Barbossa Pirate (uncredited), Kiara Freeman as Townschild (uncredited), Jesse Michael Fullington as
British Soldier (uncredited), Tighe Gill as
Calico (uncredited), Fernando Gonzalez as
Pirate (uncredited), Asabi Goodman as
Maid (uncredited), Jessica Gould as
Townswoman (uncredited), Karen Gould as Witch (uncredited), Jessica Green as
Townswoman (uncredited), Madison Haley as Townswoman (uncredited), Stephen Hall as Beggar (uncredited), Ryan Hance as Townsmen (uncredited), Dylan Kai Harris as Lower Class Townsman (uncredited), Kelly Hetherington as
Barbossa Pirate (uncredited), Matt Hurley as Monarch Marine (uncredited), Lakota Johnson as Towns Child (uncredited), Luke Johnson as Townsman (uncredited), John Jumane as Townsman (uncredited), Cale Kampers as Royal Marine (uncredited), Baz Karbouris as Pirate (uncredited), Tony Chris Kazoleas as
Black Pearl Pirate (uncredited), Kris Keevers as Monarch Officer (uncredited), Rylan Kindness as Beggar Boy (uncredited), Joel Knights as Livery (uncredited), Rachael Lorenz as Dorothy (uncredited), Shaun McCallum as
St. Martin Marine (uncredited), Mollie McGregor as Twin Middle Class Lady (uncredited), Sophia McGregor as Twin Middle Class Lady (uncredited), Declan McMurray as Upper Class Man (uncredited), Jenaya McMurray as
Upper Class Girl (uncredited), Abhishek Mehta as Townsman (uncredited), Salvatore Merenda as Tier 2 Ghost (uncredited), Valiant Michael as
Pirate (uncredited), Anthony Miller as
Barbossa Pirate (uncredited), Paris Moletti as Townsman (uncredited), Winnie Mzembe as Maid (uncredited), Piper Nairn as Townschild (uncredited), Joseph Oliveira as Pirate (uncredited), Anna Patch as Townswomen (uncredited), Toby Potter as Townschild (uncredited), Jon Quested as Band Member (uncredited), Christian Radford as Monarch Marine (uncredited), John Reynolds as Hangman Executioner (uncredited), Daniel Sims as
Townschild (uncredited), Ben Damian Thomas as Middle Class Merchant (uncredited), Rhiannon Watson as
Townswoman (uncredited), Tony S White as Middle Class Townsperson (uncredited), Korey Williams as Middle Class Towns Person (uncredited).