You Can’t Kill Stephen King

Written By David Strege

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In 2012 the was a film going around kinda Spoof like and comical by the name of You Can’t Kill Stephen King directed by Monroe Mann, Ronnie Khalil and Jorge Valdez Iga. Produced by Big Screen Entertainment Group and Loco Dawn Films…

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A group of friends decide to take a road trip to Maine to visit the lake and the town Stephen King lives in.  Right away the townsfolk are reserved and warn them away that they’ve never heard if King living here.

When they go to rent a boat they are warned even more about noise and the boat warden refuses to rent to rent to them.

Two from the group are brother Monroe and sister Hillary Bachman which I find funny since Richard Bachman is Kings Pseudonym lol, two are a couple one a black man Lamont, and if their not a couple then you certainly portrayed them as being such at first in the car,  one a blonde and when i say blonde i mean ditzy blonde not the color blonde since i have to spell it out to some readers who dont understand the blonde isnt just a color  of Nicole, the last two, one is a Stephen King/porn addict played by director/comedian Ronnie Khalil the other a black haired goth Lori.

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When Lamont goes for gas he doesn’t come back whole his pieces are strewn across the gas station grounds the friends realize that they are now being killed one by one and according to the nerd a death from each and every story of Stephen Kings, with spoofs from the shining and it and combination of reading between the lines thus is just a fun film warning you almost to stay away from Stephen King but even more is the Author really killing to keep people from visiting his lake! You find out for yourself…

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I found this an enjoyable film and give it a 4 out of 5 star rating.  I recommend this film for anyone a Stephen King fan even if it is a little Corny.  It was definitely funny to see a black version of the dang clown from it lol.

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Starring Monroe Mann as Monroe Bachman, Ronnie Khalil as Ronnie, Crystal Arnette as Hilary Bachman, Kayle Blogna As Nicole, Kate Costello as Lori, Justin Brown as Lamont, Polly Humphreys as Deedee, Arthur S. Brown as Dale, Michael Bernstein as Verrill, Jason Martin as Boat Warden, Bill Steven McLean as Gas Station Attendantt, John Mancini as Sheriff Pangborn, Jeffrey R. Kelsey as Deputy Dodd, Vanessa Leigh as the Screaming Woman, Skylar Collins as Danny (as Sky Collins), Lori Richardson as Wendy, Krista Cote as Teen #1, Sean Martin as Teen #2, Chelsea Bitondo as Teen #3, Ethan Russell as Boy with Ball, Amber Russell as Girl with Ball, Bryant Mason as the Man in Diner, Abbey Greslick as Woman in Diner, Trevor Crane as Man in Diner #2, Philip Remington as Paramedic, Bailey Knowlton As EMT.

 

Hole In The Wall

Written by David Strege

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I guess you could say this is wisconsins horror anthology brought to you by Rabid Child Films of 7 Twisted tales from 7 of Wisconsins’ twisted directors:

Centered around tale of a the plainfield Chopper or that which i took it ws for it was hard for some of the tales to peg which segment they were called is presented to you by the Wisconsin Horror Mob you see a large dude dragging a corpse trough some woods…

Country music playing in the back ground you get the sense that he’s a redneck country killer…

In the opening credits you also see John Pata under Special fx credits who I will later review a short he did called Better Off Undead and a feature called Dead Weight kinda cool all these people were involved…

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Anyways the man drags the body to an attic space in a farm house surrounded by cornfield but there is another bystander in overalls that is curious about the man’s way of killing… so the story’s begin to unfold…

Carolyn Baker for the segment “Siren”:

This one was hard to understand a beautiful singer just had a perforations but walked home accepting a drug like acid called Green Honey that she took a drop of then went home got naked in a tub with no water and peed down a drain where a slug like creature with a mouth was sliding up the drain all the while you kept hearing this low screaming growing louder and louder.

Next you see here painted stripes of black and white coming up an old elevator shaft she goes to the middle of the street and what wails like a siren people cover their ears and appear to either die or follow the sounds you don’t figure out which.

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Derrick Carey co-director for segments “The Plainfield Chopper”, “Our Song is our Blade”: obviously already talked of the Plainfield chopper our song is our Blade seems connected to Scumbag Directors main Kidnapper Of the hitchhiker as it tells the take of a love story between an axeaxe and it’s wielder kill the wielder you are cursed with the same spirit telling you to kill…  and as we figure out in the end the last wielder of this axe is the large hick man snaking the guts of the victim he’s pulled teeth from as he’s teaching the obvious skinny observer in overalls to kill and the meaning behind the relationship of the axe…

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Greg Johnson for the segment “Last Dance”: It was hard to figure out which segment was which for this one though I assume it’s one of the segments I’ve already aforementioned I mean no disrespect for this segment they were only titled in the end credits lol

Rob Michels with Screaming Like Banshees Productions also director of The Lurking which I’ve previously reviewed for the segment “Scumbage”:

Shown after the hole in the wall beginning segment you see a radio and hear a woman who sounds like a mother screaming at some to kill someone,  next you see a hitchhiker get picked up by a scraggly looking scumbag  dude played by Rob Michels himself then said hitch hiker wakes up in a cage… under a caged dog.

Meanwhile the scraggly haired nut job scumbag hallucinates and cuts his tongue off with visions if peeing blood inside a raunchy looking toilet… comes out in a rob bloodied, stabs the dog in the cage above and you see him sitting on a toilet listening to his mother’s voice on a radio telling him he’s nothing that he’s shit.

Next he has an appetizer tray of rotting fingers wacking off to them then you watch as he strings these fingers and puts his dukied brown stained underwear on his head carrying this string of fingers like a rosary then uses them as anal beeds. You find out he lives in a closet as he is encouraged to kill from his apparently dead mother… let’s the hitchhiker escape into the backyard only to kill him… and after waked off to his corpse.  Picks a hammer up goes beats a drunk dude to death… sleeps next to the rotting corpse of the hitchhiker… has a nightmare of recognizable wasteoid 2 from the Lurking strangling him as he wakes up he is string what looks like his pens on the the finger string.

After that it returns to the large hick as he prepares to pull all the teeth from the dragged body…

 

Andrew N. Shearer for the segment “A Message from the Underground”: This was set up in the beginning of the anthology as well as I Believe the end reminds my of how some sci-fi films were set up in the 50s to worn you not to watch this film told from a radio announcer lol.

Kevin Sommerfield of Slasher Studios for the segment “Glory Hole”Steve Goltz of Slasher Studios for the segment “Glory Hole”:  is an all male cast but ones a baby ones a mother and ones a customer skinny guy after glory hole of the ugly man in a nighty obviously playing a wore to feed the kid.  A love story of Earl and Baby Jane while the child plays with the bloody fetus of a child born and cut from Baby Jane’s womb.

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Meanwhile the large hick serial killer is about to record the last part of the killing…

Cory Udler Director of Incest Death Squad 1 and 2 Ids Rising, Mediatrix and The Girl Who Played With the Dead as well as the Script Writer of Ted v. Mikels Demon Haunt, Astro Zombies 3 and 4, for the segment “Ed Gein D.D.S.”: after scumbag this story starts with Ed geins mother spouting biblical revaluation about if he ever has sexual relations with women after she’s gone… three women all dressed up as witches stride their way to a garage sale where a man spouting off about anal fishes sells them a chair that ed Gein sat in when he was alive the girls chant whatanassiam over and over and Ed Gein comes back as a dentist pulling their teeth out! Lol.

Meanwhile at a local bar Missy was in an argument with her man while ed Gein appeals to her after her fiance storms out… Ed offers to walk her home she agrees after reservations.

After walking her home he knocks her out chains her up, the fiance arrives drunk as she’s screaming in the basement… stumbles and saves his girl by electrocuding Ed back to where he came from.

Meanwhile the overall-ed observer realizes the toothless victim is still alive and then it goes into the next segment lol

All in all I think this is definitely a weird compilation I’m still somewhat on the fence about whether I liked it it was definitely disturbing and off the wall for say why would ed Gein come back as a dentist? After some women chanting what an Ass I Am? Obsurd indeed lol

I think I’m going to give this a 3 out of 5 star rating for now maybe I might change the Star rating later down the road but I’m just going to label this one as strange… I recommend this if you like to be a little sickened with strangeness plus it involves quite a few of wisconsins freakish directors so all in all check it for yourself…

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Starring Blade Braxton as Ferenc, Heather Dorff as Missy, Greg Johnson as Chopper, Erma, and Baby Jane, Matt Kenyon as Tom Lodewyck, Rob Michels as Scumbag, Judith O’Dea actress from the original Night of the living dead as Augusta Gein the mother of Ed Gein, Tom Running as Ed Gein, Andrew N. Shearer as Man from another dimension, Alyssa Spangler as Siren, Draven Wagner as Eli

 

Ron Fitzgerald’s Dark Realm

Written By David Strege

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Hailing to us from Chicago is Chicago illusionists Ron Fitzgeralds return to the horror scene once again but often plays roles as a master magician of sorts.

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From 2015 directed by Vincent Bilancio the film starts out With Spooky played by Fitzgerald.  Which Ive noticed in two films so far he has one eye that is silver and one blue eye, is a master Illusionist scheduled to make 3 last curtain calls on a contract through a venue called Dark Realm.

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His clothing definitely helps him portray the image he wanted to create so I give credit to whomever does his wardrobe…

But Spooky keeps having reacurring nightmares as well as waking ones in between performances. Seeing fellow performers in piesces isnt exactly amusing, especially since his love and stsge assistant Raven hasnt arrived yet… Since I watched America’s Got Talent from 2015 there was a regurgitator who could swallow anything and bring it right back up well.. Spooky swallowed 7 razors and strung them together then brought them back up lol.  Never seen that before not even on television I’ve seen similar but not with such execution.  I also liked the trick spooky did with the magic orb and hanky making it disappear and reapear…

With levitation and a jigsaw illusion along with blood drinking, snake charmers, and burlesque dancing, in Milwaukee there’s an underground Burlesque band called Dead Man’s Carnival Which I feel Red Rum who plays a part in this film as well is associated with that I like as well.  Maybe because I’ve liked Deadman show that they put on is the reason why I like Dark Realm.  It is independent but you can tell Fitzgerald is enjoying the appetites this magicians underground society has to offer… hehe indeed pleasures of the flesh and making u believe the impossible which is what I believe he as well portrayed in his previous roles in Magus, and The Item Which I Shall Review at a later date…

Ultimately I give this film a 4 out of 5 Star rating.  It technically is more a live show performance as if you were watching a performance of Ron himself and the story line was a little slightly hard to follow behind the performances but after watching it a second time you get that Spooky is getting more paranoid and almost looses his mind….

But when he realizes it’s all only a dream it’s even weirder but the characters and burlesque dancers give u a preview of what Chicago’s night life has to offer…

I enjoyed it I recommend for an interesting evening.  Will you be able to tell I’d spooky is awake or dreaming?

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Starring Ron Fitzgerald as Master of the Realm, Vinnie Bilancio as Price, Kaylee Williams as Raven, Cherries Jubalie as Scary Cherrie, Heather Dorff as Sister Midnight, Lady India as Lady India, Al Burke as Head of Security, Marybeth Saunders as Stage Manager, Craig Lemons as the Man Getting Thrown Out, Malaney Grabis as Jigsaw Illusion Audience Participant, Joe Burdick as Pun Munk #5, Brian J. Hedger As Punk Munk #666,  Cleo LaVamp as Miss Kloe, Mindy Turano as Aria, Seyhan Kilic as Opera Singer, Yoko Suenaga as Party Waitress, Jim Domiano as Party Guest #1, Paulina Palacios as Party Guest #2, Red Rum as a Horror Burlesque Dancer, Desiree Demonix as the Caged Go Go Dancer, Jessica Shiney Lombard as the Hearse Driver.

 

Don’t Go To The Reunion

Written By David Strege

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Being Slasher Studios first feature and back is Director Steve Goltz as he helms this 80s like retro highschool slasher film from 2013.

It starts like most high school features in the droning voice of a classroom bored from a teachers lesson as always uninterested students of Hamilton High can’t wait to get out of class.  Mike Goltz is back as a Jerkish Jock captain of the football team Joe Wynorski, the type of dude whose girlfriend is the beautiful Erica Carpenter played by Stephanie Leigh Rose most popular girl in school.

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On the other hand the school nerd and horror fan Scott Rantzen is innocently pranked by the popular Socialites and their freinds… 10 years later these same freinds are invited to a class reunion.  Pretty much none of them have have seen each other in a decade… it appears that all of them think each other were assholes.

Of course one of the freinds decided to die on a playground before the reunion but the show must go on…

Erica Is reluctant to go but her fiance convinces her to go. It seems like they have a pretty good relationship meanwhile…

Jessica played by the beautiful Hannah Herdt Is the first to arrive. As Erica arrives at the place the reunions supposed to take place it’s at a house she swears nobody lived in all through highschool.

Now I should have said this early this is an actor whose not the director but is the co-director of another film that I’ve already reviewed called Billy Club who plays a drunk in both films but a Friend Nick Sommers as Christopher Lynch.

Joe is obviously still a jerk brought his girl Kimberly baby on the way… Jessica is glad Brandon made it definitely seems they hit it off like old times. Dave Erica’s man also seems to hit it off with Brandon who was only a point behind being valedictorian than Scott.

 

Joe’s just swearing up a storm always angry full of himself… they all find it odd they were all invited to this house alone… and the each start dying…

Evidently this is really Scott’s party and someone’s out to enact revenge on those who made Scott go so crazy and hang himself years ago… when Erica asked him on a date and put a note inside his locker that he was gonna murder them all… the school took it seriously and expelled him…

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I liked this film and give it a 4 out of 5 star rating the characters were hate able the actors and actresses at home with their characters.  Plus with having seen some of these actors before I know what to expect.  The audio is great and the best part I feel is when Nick Sommer’s character gets wasted his head gets cut off on the front of the vehicle lol.

I totally Recommend this back to 80s slasher… plus it’s from wisconsin… check it out but…

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Starring Kaleb Shorey as Scott’s Brother, Kevin Sommerfield as the N.S. Killer, Johnathon Krautkramer as Jeremy Craven, Nick Sommer as Christopher Lynch, Steve Goltz as Killer H.B., Stephanie Leigh Rose as Erica Carpenter, Marla Van Lanen as Ms. Sorensen, Spencer Harlan as David Holland, Hannah Herdt as Jessica, Mike Goltz as Joe Wynorski, Tawnie Thompson as Megan Cunningham, J.R. Watkins as Jay Miner, Elise McCready as a Hamilton High Student, Zachary Allen as Killer B.B., Brady Simenson as Scott Rantzen, Hayley San Fillippo as Kimberly Buechler, Tink as a Hamilton High Student, Andrea Ewald as a Hamilton High Student, Melissa Kasper as a Hamilton High Student, Taylor Huff as a Hamilton High Student, Thomas Dehart as a Hamilton High Student, Trevor Dehart as a Hamilton High Student, Catharyne McGinness as a Hamilton High Student, Josh Van Lanen as a Hamilton High Student, Mercedes Redman as a Hamilton High Student, Matty Dorschner as Brandon Kaufman, Jerry Lesperance as Hamilton High Principal, Jonathan Fark as A Hamilton High Student, Cody Klimmer as Killer S2, Teagan Janness-Jording as a Hamilton High Student, Mary Giffin as a Hamilton High Student, Breanna Priest as a Hamilton High Student, Brittny Wunrow as a Hamilton High Student, Andy Taylor as a Hamilton Police Officer.

 

The Sleeping Soul

Written By David Strege

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Coming to us from Concept Media Films, directed by Shawn Burkett in 2012 is a very slow realization film that as you watch it surprises you.

It starts with the holding of hands and images of a cemetery and then you see a very calculated car crash evidently perpetrated by a drunk driver…

You are left with the feeling that Grace James is the only survivor left from a horrific tragedy of losing her fiance and child so you see she is suffered home alone with thoughts.

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She can not eat can not sleep for dreams that she can still hear the sounds of her fiancee and son… while the lights are off the microWave lights go on doors and cubbards fly open so in a way it appears that she is being haunted with poltergeist activity…

But it’s not really so…

Ive watched four films so far from Concept films so far and have yet to Write the others up but I had to write about this one. You definitely dealt the pain grace was going through especially after she took all these pills and layer naked in a tub waiting for death… when in truth it was not she whom survived…

I have to to this was a well thought out film and often the sound was excellent one thing that’s evident about Shawns films is you can definitely tell he has love of music which I shall talk about later in another film lol

I give this film a 5 out of 5 star rating and recommend it for anyone who’s watched films like The life Before Her Eyes or the Sixth Sense. I’m actually gonna go as far to say this film is in my top favorites now!

Starring Elizabeth Bright as Taylor Masterson, Conor Elwood Burkett as Young Conor Masterson, Luke Burnett as Conor Masterson, Scott Gillespie as the Drunk Driver, Ayse Howard as Grace James, Corey A. Thrush as Cover Masterson.

 

BC Butcher

Written by David Strege

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I was Surprised a few days ago when I received a screener for troma films newest feature as I’m still new to film reviewing so bear with me.  I was also surprised when I Learned it was directed by a very young female director named Kansas Bowling all I can say is wow do I feel old lol. Evidently catching the eye of Loyd Kaufman this is set to be coming out later in 2016.

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Story begins obviously back in the stone as the film begins title song Alley Oop so in a way gives the film a hippy feel to it.

Neandra leader of a large tribe of cave men women an children since obviously not a man’s world woman is supreme queen… has captured Dina another tribe girl who has fornication with her man Rex played by Kato Kaelin, whom reminds me a lot of Martin Short with his pepe le pew type acting later on, and for this reason must be eaten by the tribe for such a betrayal.

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After the tribe shares in sacrifice of their member Dina they leave her body there over night… but there is a legend of a Butcher that comes to the aid of tears that comes across Dinas body.  Dinas spirit haunts the Butcher in dreams to kill the tribe women responsible for her death.

Meanwhile Rex has made advances on Poppy and Poppy in love plans an escape but before she can with Rex they are both killed.

Bamba village Seer of sorts has visions of the impending doom but also gets her head lopped off…

Neandra is power hungry and also very childish in nature for she believes she has killed the beast.  Anna canda is obviously the member of the women that loves to tell story’s and gossip so in a way they all seem like a bunch of cheerleaders in Tarzan outfits but it definitely does seem like they were having fun but I personally didn’t like the girl or woman who played Neandral she didn’t seem like she was really acting at all.  Everyone else’s character seemed spot on.  In a way it was a revenge tale of love and you feel more bad for the Butcher for he tried to do Dinas bidding and if Neandra hadn’t of done what she did in the end? Dina might have been able to join the butchers Existence.

Now I know it was corny but I believe the music was chosen well and there was a but of comedy for when Annaconda and Neandra cat fought it wwas simile music to Benny Hill themes lol. But also learning that the Caveman was the Rock? And Kato Kaelin From the OJ Simpson trials? For a girl of 17 to have directed this as her first feature on 16mm, I think she did rather well as a tribute to Roger Cormen films like teenage Caveman and  the like.

I give this film a 3 0ut of star rating and I do recommend this film for those willing to give Kansas Bowling a shot!

Starring Kadeem Hardison as The Narrator, Liam Anderson as a Model, Molly Anderson as a Model, Alyssa Baric as a Model, Rodney Bingenheimer as Himself, Kansas Bowling as a Model, Parker Love Bowling as Po / Model, William Preston Bowling as a Caveman, Gabe Cardianl, as Ugly Kid #3, Alexis Codding As Cavegirl #3, Lauren Crowell as Cavegirl #5, Ella Devine as a Model, Del Dipiero as Caveman #2, Drake Dipiero as Cavekid #1, Draven Dipiero as Cavekid #2, Duck Duck as Herself, Misheel Erdenetsogt as a Model, Leilani Fideler as Neandra, Zoe Grossfeld as a Model, Natasha Halevi as Anaconda, Dwayne Johnson as The Butcher, Kato Kaelin as Rex, Devyn Leah as Bamba, Annie Milligan as Cavegirl #4, Ryan Molinary as Ugly Kid #2, Lola Reid as Lola, Violette Reid as a Model, Elysia Richards as Cavegirl #2, Molly Elizabeth Ring as Poppy, Miranda Robin as Dina, Alan Tijerina as Ugly Kid #1, Yana Tonezer as Ho, Anna Vasina as Cavegirl #1, Independence Walker as Cavekid #3.

 

Teddy

Written by David Strege

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Kevin Somerfield’s 2011 First short film from Slasher studios is directed By Steve Goltz.

In Payton County WI a group of four friends accidently hit a man, dig a grave and get the fuck away from the scene not knowing that Teddy the man’s slightly deranged son was witness to the accident and out for revenge.  Kind of funny role playing between Clay and Dana “give me my poriddge Daddy!”

In a mask teddy rams a stick up Aarons ass Dana drowns and gets her head carried while Clay gets Axed.  Jenny runs only to realize Aarons dead then the credits roll in.  Revenge is a dish best served cold!

I enjoyed all three of these earlier short films from Slasher Studios I give this one a 4 out of 5 Star Rating and Recommend this for all.  You should be able to find this on the Don’t Go To The Reunion DVD along with the others in the bonus Section…

Starring Keegan Bergen as Teddy, Kirk Gilbert as Jeff, Mike Goltz as Clay, Kevin Sommerfield as Aaron, Dana Terpinas as Dana, Nikita Vora as Jenny