Movies Galore takes a look at director Justin Armao’s “Bloodsucka Jones” from 2013!

Written by David Strege

bloodsucka jones

So I’m kind of surprised that I haven’t reviewed this film yet since I picked this film up two years ago that was directed by Justin Armao in 2013 A horror comedy Blaxploitation film called Bloodsucka Jones from Nitwit Consortium Productions.

So the film begins when a couple looks like they drive to a secluded spot the woman is very pretty she is a blond the young man he is kind of dorky and looks kind of younger than she is… They start having an awkward conversation where he talks about his parents where they met and she asks him if she liked him if she were different and then she asks if he wants to see her boobs And then the next thing you know is staring into her glowing green eyes and the vampire teeth but also this group of children in hoodies shows up in the Headlights and once the chick fights him the children also vampires pull him out of the car as he screams like a girl.

Then there’s Dave (Armao) we meet him while he’s playing basketball, his ball hits this girl in the head, Christine (Dercks), and he allows her to hit him in the head the same way and they both find out they’re single and they start going out.  So some animation of some Angry Penguins and somebody unicorns humping go by and we find Dave and his now girlfriend Christine, sitting on a playground flirting with each other, and suddenly it seems like it’s meet the brother day and what do you know a month has gone by…

The first thing I have to say that is really cool is that after Dave has been warned Away by not one person but two people Dave has a really cool dream sequence which makes him look kind of comical because Christine looks like she shows up to his place and she’s in all this cool yellow smoke  and she has the green eyes, vampire teeth and is beckoning to him in some sexy number, and yet he is in a t-shirt that only comes up to what looks like his nipples.

With the help of his local comic book store owner who hook some up with this random ass vampire hunter Tony (Woods), who seems to be somewhat of a beach bum Dave dispatches a plan with this dude to try to figure out a plan of how to kill the Posse of gay vampires that seems to be led by Christine’s brother Stewart (Kelley).  Stewart intern sends his posse of gay vampires to spy on Dave and his sister to see what they are doing. After giving a teddy bear of Stewart’s a rectal exam they found a map to some Woods that held a sword that may kill the vampires, when up walks Bloodsucka Jones (Grant) himself and his assistant Vanessa (Canapino), though I know his fro and his mustache are fake as hell he comes out does a 2-Step breakdance and seems to scare the vampire Squad of goons into vanishing and though he came to Dave and his weird vampire helper  he is definitely not short on being able to insult them.

I want to say that the word by word play between Bloodsucka Jones,  Christine, Dave and his somewhat comical sidekick relief vampire Hunter Tony as well as Vennessa, as the film moves on especially a scene where Where Dave and Christine are  alone and they are having a private conversation about how she is a vampire and how they haven’t even had any of the normal relationship sayings like kissing and other sexual acts because Dave is afraid that she’ll eat him and not in a good way…  Also I think that Kelley played Stewart to a T as well theres this moment between himself and a balloon that is priceless.

not to mention that Bloodsucka Jones has been training these two how to kill vampires by it seems by throwing everyone under the bus like local bums the Chuck-E-Cheese dude That wears the mascot mouse costume,  even some local innocent children…

Dave and Tony Are a perfect example of to brainless idiots doing everything by accident and calling up on there comic book Idol to try to prevent a COO of a vampires from killing Dave because he is in love with the vampires sister. I thought this was really funny and is an underrated independent horror comedy.  there are definitely some quirks at humor that are laughable now because Kmart is out of business and you can’t even call a Chuck-E-Cheese A Chuck-E-Cheese anymore because some dumb parent decided to go off on the ball pit and how the balls weren’t washed so an executive decision came down from on high from business executives and no more ball pit Which was part of the fun when you went to a Chuck-E-Cheese but getting back to the film…

I like that the film was off the wall, that the jokes were weird and that Tony and Dave at least their characters made it seem like they were the best of bros  and blond as fuck. I thought the characters were likeable the situations were stupid but this was a fair attempt at comedy from a different angle and had a little bit of everything.  you could tell that CGI was not used and it was more practical effects I even enjoyed the attempt at the devil on the shoulder type of effect of Bloodsucka Jones character. if this film definitely sounds like it’s up your alley then  go seek this film out you do not know what you’re missing. I would recommend that if you are an independent film lover that you check this film out if you can, it certainly won’t disappoint.  The fact that this all came down to a Teddy Bear, and a fight for a sword was also priceless… There is also a lot of innuendos that are rather old-school that are captured that shouldn’t be missed… espiecially since there is a sequel out there now…

Here is the Trailer:

Starring Preston Gant as Bloodsucka Jones, Maria Canapino as Vanessa, Justin Armao as David, Travis Woods as Tony, Jessica Dercks as Christine, Matt Kelly as
Stewart, William Cutting as Kenny, Erin Holt as Heather, Justin Henry as Pizza Pirate, Andy Cauble as Jim, Vanessa Alderete as Alice, Hayley Anaal as
Arika, Kira Armao as Danielle, Alain Azoulay as Todd Pepperjack, Kimberly Barcus as Popscicle, Will Barker as Stewarts Goon #2, Brittany Bostic as Kenny’s Kid Sister, Jordan Braico as Fox, Caitlyn Brisbin as Lita Jett, Courtney Erin Carroll as Terry (as Courtney Carroll), Ray Chavez Jr. as Ray, Casey Colliflower as Laurie, Chelsea Cook as
Violet, Gabi Cuellar as Tear Apart Vampire, Evelyn Danford as Phoebe Judge, John Davis as Store Clerk, Lynda Davis as Pillow Fight Girl #3, Catriona Rose Divine as Sapphire, Pani DuPrey as Victim #1, Chelsea Edmundson as Tina, Kristopher Elder as Jeff, Gino England as Comedian, David Fernandez as Bri Victim, Lani Forsander as Becky Romero, Ian Garman as Dacron St. Michaels, Lana Gautier as Victoria, Svetlana Gautier as Victoria, Yesenia Gonzales as Crystal, Devin Goodsell as Patrick, Angela Guerrero as Pamela, Lizelle Gutierrez as Isabella, Marchael Hagood as Lacey Creed, Bob Harris as Hans Fassbender, Melle Hartley as Sophia, Robert Hoover as Carol Tubbs, AlexAnn Hopkins as Jesse, Brian James Hunt as Stewarts Goon #4, Olivia Ivy as Xanadu Hellfire, Erin James as Debbie, Tio Lavranos as Comics Customer, David Liggett as Crush Cabeza, Cassidy Mack as Hana, Brian Maguire as Mime, Hannah Maurer as Elisha Winston, Alison Paige Miller as Lindsey, Mitch Miller as Lindsey Victim, Gwendolyn Moore as Lola St. Michaels, K.C. Murdock as Quan Li, Austyn Nestor as Kyleigh, Whitney Nielsen as Vera, Rosanna Pansino as Helena, Brittany Pecina as
Caroline, Tony Perija as Hobie, Shellene Marie Reese as Kira, Aspen Richmond as
Butch, Zakary Richmond as Buddy, Jason Riley as Park Victim, Mindy Robinson as
Vega, Kevin Rodriguez as Cory #2, Brandon Tate Rosen as Cory #1, Megan Sadeghi as Samantha, Anna Salvini as Alessandra, Sarah Saucier as Brenda, Suany Serpas as Pillow Fight Girl #2, Tristan Steward as Dead Boy, Chris Stinett as Cool Victim, Sean Summers as Foltron, Riki Talili as Star, Duncan Tran as Carlos, Jeff Trenkle as Chad, Craig Underwood as Steve, Violetta Valeeva as Pillow Fight Girl #1, Cristina Valle as Sandra, Randy Van Dyke as Jarvis H. Kreist, Joshua Vonder Haar as Stewarts Goon #1, Jenny Vongsa as Velinna, Jennifer Vos as Jennifer, Toby Wallwork as Motley Victim, Jenna Wantink as Gertrude, Coley White as Bunny, Staci Withani as Peppy McSmiley, Bri Wombacher Schemm as Pandora, Kaleb Wombacher as Wubb, Tawny Amber Young as Dawn, Ronald Zambor as Stewarts Goon #3,L.

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